Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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