I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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