my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
