And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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