Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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