i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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