Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
