i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
