Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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