We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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