I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
