I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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