capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
