that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
