somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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