"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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