girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
