She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
