When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
