I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
