After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
