just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
