she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
