she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
