I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
