I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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