Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
