ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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