The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
