and my herpes radar will keep us safe
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
