I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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