I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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