So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So drunk its hurt
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
