Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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