u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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