I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
