I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
pop tarts are not kleenex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
