Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
