Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
