Jerry, you need to find god
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
