You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
