She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
