you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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