He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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