how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
