New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
