I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
