We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
