Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
