I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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