Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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