jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
