are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
