last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Terrible idea I love it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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