I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
