You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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