I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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