My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
