Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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