How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
