Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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