Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize