hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Terrible idea I love it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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