Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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