By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize