I bet he comes in French.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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