the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
