5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
