What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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