those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
