No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
