i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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