making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
